Contents

Recent topics

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

May 09, 2026, 12:47:49 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Humor, Jokes, Videos:  (Read 36367 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline |BUG| Seven

  • Buggar
  • I have no life
  • *******
  • Posts: 689
  • Gender: Female
  • Greece
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #30 on: November 18, 2006, 08:31:07 PM »
the national greek star!

Personally I ignored his existanse till someone gave me this link: www.chihuahua.gr/

its priceless!! dont forget to visit the photo gallery!

Seven

I've never been clever, because need it never.


Offline MsCB

  • Noob
  • *
  • Posts: 11
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #32 on: November 28, 2006, 09:33:23 PM »
This one's for Soul.   ;D


An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.

The pharmacist asked, "How many?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes."

Offline |BUG| Shamu

  • Buggar
  • I have no life
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Gender: Male
  • Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional!
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #33 on: November 28, 2006, 09:44:07 PM »
Whiteye's too ;D

Offline Lady Beckett

  • Addicted
  • ***
  • Posts: 128
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #34 on: November 28, 2006, 11:18:31 PM »
Awwww poor Whitey   <LOL MsCB good one>
The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty
L.P. Jacks


Offline Beckett

  • Addicted
  • ***
  • Posts: 189
  • Gender: Male
  • stuck between hope and doubt
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #35 on: November 28, 2006, 11:21:37 PM »
This one's for Soul.   ;D


An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.

The pharmacist asked, "How many?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes."

If perscription of viagra runs out you can stimulate "willy" by a sneeze or blowing your nose.. lmao
I wont say who told me this though.

Brother B

Offline Cosmic

  • Noob
  • *
  • Posts: 28
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #36 on: November 29, 2006, 03:18:47 PM »
Omg that was funny! ;D  My chi is so much cuter than those I have to add that!! see? 





the national greek star!

Personally I ignored his existanse till someone gave me this link: www.chihuahua.gr/

its priceless!! dont forget to visit the photo gallery!

Seven

Offline Cosmic

  • Noob
  • *
  • Posts: 28
  • Gender: Female
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #37 on: November 29, 2006, 03:24:39 PM »

The caption of this pic says. Who knew that "the force" was really a little blue pill?  :D




This one's for Soul.   ;D


An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.

The pharmacist asked, "How many?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old and I don't even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes."

If perscription of viagra runs out you can stimulate "willy" by a sneeze or blowing your nose.. lmao
I wont say who told me this though.

Brother B

Offline |BUG| Shamu

  • Buggar
  • I have no life
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Gender: Male
  • Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional!
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #38 on: November 30, 2006, 03:22:37 AM »
From an e-mail from my daughter:

LIFE IN THE 1500'S

Ever wonder were those old sayings come from?

Here are some facts about the 1500's:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a "thresh hold."

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring ! ! !

« Last Edit: November 30, 2006, 12:05:37 PM by |Bug| Shamu »

Offline |BUG| Mojo

  • Buggar
  • Regular
  • *******
  • Posts: 82
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #39 on: November 30, 2006, 11:59:56 AM »
Interesting stuff........who knew it all came from the 1500s.

Offline Lady Beckett

  • Addicted
  • ***
  • Posts: 128
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #40 on: November 30, 2006, 12:34:44 PM »
Got one question  Shamu...  Do you remember all that?   :hap1:
The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty
L.P. Jacks


Offline |BUG| Shamu

  • Buggar
  • I have no life
  • *******
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Gender: Male
  • Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional!
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #41 on: November 30, 2006, 03:46:35 PM »
Actually no, but Beckett was kind enough to keep a diary.

Offline Lady Beckett

  • Addicted
  • ***
  • Posts: 128
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #42 on: November 30, 2006, 05:31:40 PM »
Actually no, but Beckett was kind enough to keep a diary.

ROARING!!!! :clap:   can't wait til he sees this    :happy2:
The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty
L.P. Jacks


Offline |BUG| Lone_Wolf

  • Buggar
  • Noob
  • *******
  • Posts: 39
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #43 on: November 30, 2006, 06:10:59 PM »


WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."


WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."


WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - -silence - -

HUSBAND: "oh $hit"

 :o
URL=http://img267.imageshack.us/i/buglonewolf2.jpg/][/URL]

Offline Beckett

  • Addicted
  • ***
  • Posts: 189
  • Gender: Male
  • stuck between hope and doubt
    • View Profile
Re: Humor, Jokes, Videos:
« Reply #44 on: December 01, 2006, 02:21:19 AM »
Actually no, but Beckett was kind enough to keep a diary.

Oh Shamu,
In response to your post i must retaliate, and since this is the joke thread, i get to use my sense of humor. lmao
Please delete if any find it offenseive... but i thought it was funny.

And avatar for the old whale..

LOL, 
Brother B